Connor is 5 months old as of yesterday.
We still haven't had his 4 month Dr. appointment. Been waiting on insurance. So he's a bit behind on his shots, but I think it'll be OK.

My birthday was the 15th, Saturday. I turned 18. I had plans with a friend, those fell through. I had plans with family, those fell through. And Connor got sick. He had a bad full body rash. He's also teething. My 18th birthday was awful. Poor Connor though. I felt so bad for him.

His rash is gone, but he's still teething. I give him Tylenol every 4 hours and these homeopathic teething tablets. He does better.

He's a very good baby. He's pretty much set his own schedule. He goes to bed anywhere between 7-9pm. He wakes a couple times in the night to eat. He usually wakes up between 5-8am. Naps usually from 11-1pm. Naps again from 3-6pm. It varies, but that's usually his schedule.
He's taken an interest in solid food. Whenever Mom or I eats, he watches and gets frustrated when we don't give him any. We've tried a few things with him. He really like peach and blueberry yogurt. He also loves mashed bananas with baby cereal mixed in.

I'm doing OK. I've had several job interviews. Appleebee's being one of them. I have to call them tomorrow.
I've started online high school. It's easy as hell. I'll be done in no time.

Gah, I'm just...bored though. I mean, I don't have a life outside being a mother. And a lot of people say you should expect that. But I think I'd be a bit more sane if I could have conversations with an adult. Or even someone who talks back.
Mmm, ok I'm done for tonight.

Whew, I totally needed to update this thing.

So, we are in Arizona. Been here for a couple weeks.
I currently, don't have a job, though I've applied and filled out several applications.
I finally set up my bank account.
I got my state ID, which is only valid until I get my license in..
3 weeks until my 18th birthday!

Connor is doing wonderfully. We took him swimming yesterday. He wasn't sure about the whole getting wet thing, but he did OK. Well, until Mom splashed his face, then he wasn't happy. A little later, Mom had him on her lap and sat at the edge of the pool while I was in the water. A band was playing, so Connor and I were dancing. I've never seen him laugh so hard. It was too cute!
He's only 13 lbs. 5 oz though and 24 1/4 in. long. Worries me that he's so small, but he seems healthy.

Ugh. OK, it's 4:30 in the morning, so I think it's time to try to go back to bed.

I started Connor on a schedule today.
Bath- 7:45pm.-8pm
Play time until 8:30pm
Read a story, eat, and change diaper.
Bed at 8:45pm.

So I laid him down at 8:45. He was almost asleep. He started crying. Cried for about 20 minutes. Fell asleep. And then some stupid motherfucker drove by my house and revved his fucking engine, like he's some badass because his fucking car goes vroom vroom. I hope he fucking gets pulled over by the cops. Stupid son-of-a-bitch. He woke my baby up. So Connor is currently crying, again. We'll see how long it takes for him to go to sleep.

I've gotten a bit of packing done, but nothing too critical. I did, however, finish Andrew's birthday present. Late, as usual.

Bahhhh, I want him to go to sleep!

Connor has gotten so much more alert these past couple weeks. He's started smiling and cooing. He absolutely loves his grandpa Michael and smiles at him whenever he's here.
I haven't gotten him to sleep in his bassinet yet. In fact, not counting right now, he only sleeps in bed with me (I know, I'm an awful mom *eye roll*) or in my arms. About an hour ago, he fell asleep in my arms and I put him in his swing right beside me. I'm just waiting for him to start screaming though.
I've been nursing and formula feeding because there's not enough fat in my milk. He does really well transitioning from one to the other. He eats quite a bit too.
He still loves his baths, as long as I'm in the tub with him.

We got rid of three of the kittens, so now we have Slut Kitty (the mama) and Gizmo (the white one). Gizmo's extremely affectionate and I usually have to push him off Connor.

I'm doing OK. I still rarely sleep at night and only sometimes in the day. I've gone out twice without Connor and both times I feel like I'm naked, weirdly enough. But getting out has been good for me and has kept me sane. I'm really looking forward to going back to Arizona, though not so much the heat in Phoenix.

OK, time to make dinner while he's asleep!

Connor and I got back from our trip to Phoenix on Thursday. The trip was pretty good. I miss Phoenix and can't wait to get back. Connor did very well being in the car so long and only really got fussy about it on the way back. Needless to say, I've not taken him out yet, that way he gets a good break from his car seat. LOL.

Connor has gotten so much bigger! I haven't weighed him, but I'd guess he's about 9 or 10lbs. now. He "smiles" a lot, though it's probably just gas. He gets pretty fussy at night and refuses to do anything but be in my arms. I have wondered if he's got colic, but I don't think he does. He absolutely loves bathtime with me. He's also extremely alert for several hours at a time.

I'm doing ok. Not sleeping at all, big surprise. We haven't gone grocery shopping since before I had him, so there's no food in the house. I'm surviving on Gardettos for now.

Well, Booger is getting sleepy so I'm gonna try putting him in his bassinet.

At 6:30am on Monday, I was started on pitocin. About an hour and a half later, the doctor came in and broke my water. The contractions started and became pretty intense. They were concentrated in my lower back, which by the way, is extremely painful. Since I was at 4cm when I got there I could have gotten the epidural right away but I waited until about 10am. After my epidural kicked in, I spent a few hours watching TV. I think Mom showed up at 11. My contractions started getting too frequent and too intense so the nurse had to turn the pitocin down several times. Just after 2pm, I was ready to push. The nurse called my doctor to come back over from his office and while we waited on him, I had to bear down to get Connor crowning. I didn't feel a darn thing. So my doctor gets there and starts setting up while my mom and Hayley are cracking jokes. I'm trying not to laugh because the nurse said every time I laughed I was pushing and if I laughed too hard, he'd fly out! LOL.
It only took a few good pushes to get his head out. Once he was about half way out, everyone else in the room goes, "wow! He's big!!" Then he was completely out.
He weighed 8lbs 9 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. His head was 15cm!

Connor has taken tp nursing well. My milk hasn't quite come in, so poor little guy has to nurse almost nonstop to get enough to eat. He really hated having his diaper changed, but as I get better at it, he does better at dealing with it. He absolutely refuses to sleep in his bassinet, preferring to sleep in my arms and occasionally Grandma's. He did do 20 minutes in his carseat while I showered yesterday, but he hasn't done it since. His circumcision swelled up on the left side and had me worried a bit, but the swelling's going down pretty good. He had his first sponge bath with me the other day and was only slightly fussy, we'll see how he does with it today. In general, he's a very calm baby.

As for me, I'm having a bit of trouble with nursing. Since he eats quite often, my nipples are extremely sore. Yesterday I had to nurse exclusively from my left breast because my right was bleeding. I may be getting sick, possibly from all the stress. I don't sleep because he sleeps in my arms. Everyone keeps telling me all these different things and how I shouldn't do this, but I should do that, which gets really irritating. I know they're just trying to be helpful, but I have my doctor and Connor's doctor AND my own intuition, I think I'll be fine. If I don't ask, don't give.

That's how things are going so far. I'll update every once in while and post pics whenever I have a free hand and the energy.

So, tomorrow at 5:30 am, I'm being induced. I'm SO excited!

Yesterday, I spent a bunch of time finally unpacking all the boxes from NC. Most of it was clothes, which all smelled like stale cigarette smoke. So I did a load of darks. Turned out fine. Put in the FIRST load of lights. My washer then decided that the filter needed to be cleaned out. So, before I knew that, I was getting ready to put the clothes in the dryer when I noticed they were in a POOL of water in my washer. I called Mom and she talked me through fixing it. OK, no big deal right? WRONG! I cleaned the filter and put it back, tightly, the way it was. It FUCKING flooded my laundry room! Three times! I cannot for the life of me fix it! Mom's going to do it when she gets home. I was bawling my eyes out and screaming at it. Thank you, hormones and frustration. So, I still have all my laundry to do PLUS all the towels I used to mop up the water. Add it to the list.

I still have the car seat to get installed properly. Since we bought it used, it didn't come with directions so I've got to figure out how to get it in. I tried looking up which car seat it was so I could order directions, but I don't think they make it anymore. It's Eddie Bauer, but I dunno which model. Ugh. I still need to clean the car out as well.

I also have to clean up my/Connor's room and finish getting everything organized. And pack our bags. And finish up plans with those who will be in the delivery room.

I feel like I still have weeks worth of work to do in one day. And I can't do it all at once. I have to take a break every little while so my feet don't fall off and my back doesn't kill me.

But, it's all worth it. I'll have my little boy very soon and I couldn't be more excited! And then a week from Wednesday, we're leaving to Phoenix for 2 weeks. A nice, relaxing resort and family. And job/house hunting. Oh joy.

I had my 38 week appointment today. Still only dilated to a 4, so no progress there.
But, I am being induced on Monday at 5:30am. Connor should be born on either the 16th or 17th. :)

I'm still getting things ready and cleaning and all that. I've also got to start packing for the trip to Phoenix that is only 2 weeks away! Ugh, I'm so nervous about traveling with a newborn!!

Anyway, I'm not feeling well, so I'm going to try to get a nap for awhile. :)

Holy crap, it's been 4 weeks since I updated!! Ugh, I've been so busy!

First, my computer got a virus, so I did a system recovery (meaning I cleaned EVERYTHING off it). Then it kept shutting itself off, so we ended up buying a laptop. We were going to get one anyway, but we had planned on waiting. So now I have a new laptop that will be mine once I start college (probably January).

Second, my kittens are doing GREAT! They are almost 5 weeks old now and very rambunctious. My hands and arms all covered in scratches. It almost looks like I've been in a fight. I will have to post some new pictures soon.

Third, and the most exciting, I've made progress! I'm 4 cm dilated and 50% effaced. I've been having irregular, painful contractions for three days along with severe back pain. My doctor has scheduled my induction for Monday, June 16th if I don't go into labor on my own before then. He says he HIGHLY doubts I'll need to be induced, but in case, I have the date. I am SO excited! The 16th is only a week and a half away!!! :)

Alright, for now that's the update. I will try to post more soon. Lauren's taking me to get some food. :)

My cat finally had her kittens on Saturday. They are SO CUTE! There are four. Two black ones, a white one, and a gray one. I've named them all.
Solid black one: Scout.
Striped black one: Raisin.
White one: Gizmo.
Gray one: Peanut.


I've been having pre-labor symptoms, so I'm pretty sure I'll be having this baby by the end of May. If he's born around the same time Andrew was, he'll be OK. Andrew was born at 35 weeks and that's only two weeks away. If Connor makes it to 34 weeks though, I'm sure he'll probably still be fine. I'm ready to have my little boy! :)

I am never, EVER getting pregnant again. If I want kids in the future, I'll adopt.

I am no longer hungry. Or should I say, I am hungry often but nothing ever sounds good. And when I do eat, I take a couple bites and I'm full. It's pissing me off.

I can't sleep. I can barely lie down anymore without causing myself severe pain. Course, I'm in pain all the time. My hips and legs hurt like hell all the time and quite often, I want to rip my legs out of the sockets. I can manage to lie down for 3-4 hours and then it hurts so bad that I have to get up. On top of that, while I sleep for those 3-4 hours, I have the weirdest fucking dreams ever. Stupid ones. And dreams like that do not make for restful sleep.

I've started attacking the kitchen counters lately with bleach. I fucking hate the South. Ants are everywhere and they love my kitchen. I used to wipe the counters off after I made something or anything like that. It was always "clean." But since the ants have fucking invaded, I spray the counters with bleach every couple hours. I've only found one ant in the last 4 or 5 days. For some reason, I really like the smell of bleach now. I never really minded it before, but now I love it. Not just bleach though. Dishwasher soap, sanitizer, antibacterial wipes, Windex, all of it. Don't worry, I don't go locking myself in the bathroom with these products. Actually, whenever I use them I turn on a fan and open windows. But I really, really love the smell of cleaning products now. It's fucking weird.

I'm ready to have Connor. My aunt Jamie had her baby last night and I'm totally jealous. She was scheduled for a c-section tomorrow, but I guess she went into labor and they did the c-section last night. Her little boy is a healthy 8 lbs 5oz, I believe. I want my baby. Course we think he'll come around 34 weeks or so and that's only a week and a half away. Who knows? I'm not dilated, or I wasn't at my last appointment, but my cervix was very soft so it looked like I was starting to get there.

I think that the "morning" sickness has come back too. It's more like all day sickness though. And I don't puke, though there have been times when I'd rather just puke instead of sitting there feeling like shit.

For a couple days, Connor was going nuts. It was nonstop movements. And then on Tuesday, he crapped out. He got all lazy the last couple days. Right now, he's moving a little. I'm not too worried because he kicks enough to let me know he's OK. And I'm kind of glad he isn't all active like he was a few days ago. It got pretty painful. It feels like he's trying to claw his way out.

I have an appointment tomorrow at 10. Probably just measure me and that's it. I don't think they do regular cervical checks until 35 weeks, but I could be wrong.

Gah, I'm so ready to have my baby!

Well, Mom said she wasn't serious when she said she was sending me to shelter. (Could have fooled me.) But now, if Medicaid doesn't accept me, she IS considering sending me to a maternity home so that they will accept me. I'm pretty sure Medicaid's going to cover me though. I was on it with Andrew.

Yesterday, I had a lot of contractions and when I went to the bathroom, there was a fairly intense pressure..like I was about to have Connor. But I laid down and the contractions stopped and the pressure let up a bit.
So this morning, at my 31 week appointment, my doctor did the fetal fibronectin test and cervix check. He said that my cervix is "very, very soft." If I had a job, I'd have to take my leave now. He's got me on "modified bed rest" which means I can't do anything strenuous. Basically, the most I can do it laundry and dishes. I am not to overexert myself or stress myself out at all. I'm pretty sure that if I had continued walking around and doing physical things yesterday that I probably would have pushed myself into labor. Doctor still has me on pelvic rest, which doesn't mean much to me since I'm not having sex anyway.

All in all, we're all pretty sure Connor's going to be coming soon. None of really think I'll make it to full term, which is only 5.5 weeks away. But, I'll probably make it another 2-3 weeks. As long as he's healthy and doesn't have to go to Dallas.

There was pretty intense thunderstorm tonight. Both my dog and Connor were freaking out. Of course, the two women in the house (my cat and me) were totally fine with it. Snickers would not stop following me. He's terrified of thunder. And every time the thunder would hit, Connor would go crazy. Then he'd calm down until he heard it again. It was kind of cute. Makes me wonder how he's going to handle the monsoons in Arizona though.


I will try to update more often. I'm trying to not do too much and sometimes sitting at the computer isn't comfortable.

Mom's talking about sending me to a shelter.
My insurance is expiring on April 30 and if Medicaid won't accept me, she wants to send me to a shelter. I don't know if she was just saying it out of anger, but I think she was serious. I'm scared and hurt. She's been so supportive through everything up until the other night. She's always been the only person I can count on and now I feel like she hates me.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I spend all my time crying. I can't imagine life without my Mom. That sounds so stupid and childish, but it's true. I'm more scared of being without her than I am of trying to find a place to live.

The results of the fetal test thing came back negative. So, I'm pretty safe for another week. Next Wednesday, the 16th, I'll get the test done again. I think we're planning on doing that test every two weeks until I'm term.

The ultrasound went well. Connor got the hiccups and he apparently enjoyed the orange glucose drink very much because he kept smacking his lips. It was really cute. He's measuring right on time and looks perfect. He's 2 lbs. 14 oz. and head down. I knew he was head down already because of all the pressure I felt. I've also been getting kicked in the ribs more often.

I'm pretty sure I lost at least part of my mucus plug too. But it's OK because that doesn't mean I'm in labor. In fact it's pretty normal to lose the mucus plug several weeks before labor begins.

I'm so tired lately. I'm done with this pregnancy. I am ready to have my little boy AND be less huge.

I've felt so along lately. All my friends are off doing their own things. They all want to party, drink, etc. and I can't do that. No one will hire me, though I've tried countless times. I'm single so that rules that out. My mom's NEVER home and when she is, she's asleep. I don't blame her for that though. She's keeping us afloat financially and trying to be a good mom and good soon-to-be grandmother. I just wish that her employers weren't so...ugh. Just them. That whole system is fucked up. And mom's miserable, but right now she doesn't have much of a choice.

I can't wait to get out of here.

I went in and got the fetal something test done.
The test is to see if I'm at risk of going into labor "in the next two weeks." He said that if the test if negative, I have a good chance of not going in to labor, but if the test is positive, I have a 50/50 chance. That's in the next two weeks.

Then he checked my cervix and it is soft and "open on the outside" but he didn't get too aggressive when he checked me because he wants to wait for the results, which means I actually could be more opened. He basically put me on mild bed and pelvic rest until the results come back. If the results come back positive, I'm on STRICT bed rest, I'll have that damn steroid shot and I'll get to see him much more often.

I still have my regular appointment on Monday for the ultrasound and glucose test, but I also have one on the 16th.

The cramps and back pain are back and I'm now miserable. No matter what I do, nothing helps for long.

I'm ready to not be pregnant. But I want this little boy to be healthy!

Stay in there for awhile, Connor!!

Last night I called my doctor because I was having diarrhea, period-like cramps, and severe back pain. They said take a warm bath and a Tylenol. If the cramps don't stop, they wanted me to go to L&D and get evaluated. The cramps stopped and the back pain turned into a back ache. Then I had four contractions. But they stopped and I didn't feel anything else so I didn't go in. My doctor's office called this morning to check on me and they're having me go in later today to check everything out. I'll still have my ultrasound and glucose test on Monday though. I am glad they're checking everything out today.

Other than that, there's been quite a few things going on. One of my friends is having family troubles and I'm trying to help her as best I can.

I'm pissed at Connor's birth "father" because he's trying to fuck with me. I'm pissed at my friend's mom.

My ex tried adding me on myspace..again. I sent him a message (without adding him) and asked him what he wanted. No response. So I sent him two more. Still no response. But I know for a fact that he read them. I know he still talks about me to all his little girlfriends and tells them how horrible I am. Granted, I don't care what he tells them but that obviously shows that he's still got his mind on this. And I don't want that. I want him to leave me the fuck alone. But I'm pretty sure he's planning something.

I hate men. A few exceptions, yes. But in general, I hate them.

Nesting. Well, I get the nesting instinct. But I don't have the motivation to do it. I keep thinking, Oh I want to clean the car out so I can put the car seat in. But do I ever get off my fat butt and clean it? No, of course not. I've been too lazy. I haven't washed the couch yet. It's been sitting in the living room, collecting dust from the remodeling, so I need to wash it. Still haven't done that. I also haven't washed all Connor's clothes. But then, that's because I don't have the soap yet. Trust Wal-Mart to not have the laundry soap I need. Got everything else though, don't they?

On the bright side, I've been craving healthy things lately. I'm currently eating apples and peanut butter. I had some cheese earlier. Unfortunately, we're almost out of apples so I don't know what I'm going to eat then.

I slept until noon today. Noon! Of course, I wasn't actually sleeping the whole time. I woke up several times for about a half hour each time. And had the most bizarre dreams. I know I should enjoy being able to "sleep" for so long, but it's not enjoyable. I wake up still groggy. And last night it was extremely hot in my room, which didn't help. I look forward to being done with these weird pregnancy dreams too.

But I suppose I should finish eating and get ready to go. Doris is coming to get me. Oh joy.

I'm so ready for June. Or May. Everyone says Connor's going to be early like his brother and I feel like he will too. We're hoping he'll make it to at the very least 34 weeks, if not 36. And if he only goes to 36 weeks, that's 9 weeks away! It would be May 26th. I can't believe how close I am to the "end" and yet it still feels like forever.

My next appointment is on April 7th. After that I'll start going every two weeks.

Connor has been pretty lazy the last week. Since the last time I went to L&D he's been like this. I wonder if this is going to be his "pattern" or what. He'll get fairly active in the morning and then at around 11pm he gets crazy. But during the day he hardly kicks. I mean, he'll do it just enough to let me know he's OK, but he hardly moves.

I've been extremely tired lately too. I sleep until 11 and go to bed around 10-12. Plus I take a nap during the day. I hardly want to move or do anything. I keep having weird dreams and I wake up randomly just to lie in bed for an hour before falling asleep again. It's awful.

Baby shower was on Sunday. It went OK. Seeing my ex again was extremely hard on me and I spent hours afterward crying my eyes out. But I think I'm OK now.

I got more onesies than I can count, bath time stuff, peel n stick appliques, mittens, a blanket, diapers, and wipes. I had to return the blanket because I already had the same one. All in all, I got mostly clothes. So Connor has more than enough onesies.

Also, I finally got a diaper bag. Not my color but I still like it. It kind of looks like a purse. It's got a whole bunch of pockets and such. I'm excited about. I'm only 26 weeks but I've started packing it for the hospital anyway.

Speaking of the hospital, I had to go in again last night. Last week they said that if he didn't kick so many times in so many hours to just go to L&D right away. So I did. He was perfectly fine, again. I think he was just being lazy yesterday because today's he's been pretty active. The nurse I had was condescending and really pissed me off. She kept making subtle comments about how I shouldn't have even come in because he was fine and blah blah blah. And then when I was discharged she told me to come in if he didn't kick so many times in so long. Which is exactly what I'd done and yet she bitches at me. Eh. That's the first problem I've had to TMF, not including the awful social worker I had to deal with when Andrew was born. I was sorely disappointed. If I see her next time I'm in there, I'll be asking for another nurse.

I still have a bunch of things I need to get before he gets here and I'm very eager to get them. But I have no money, so I have to wait.

OK, I need to go lay down for awhile.

My baby shower is today in 5 hours. I'm unbelievably nervous. I'm also really, really excited. The TV room is almost completely set up, just need to throw a couple more chairs in there. My room is half moved in and since it's clean and pretty, that's where I'm going to put the gifts until we open them. I still need to clean the floors. And a bunch of other things. I'm just being lazy at the moment.

Lauren's picking up the cake and utensils right now. She'll probably be over in the next couple of hours.

My thoughts are so scattered. I'm not sure why I'm posting since none of it makes sense.

OK, I need to get this stuff done.