I can't stand the fact that I can't get a fucking job. Nobody wants to hire a pregnant woman, let alone a pregnant 17 year old girl without a high school diploma. I'm probably going to try babysitting. Sad, but true. It'll give me more experience with kids, though I've had quite a bit. Maybe it'll prepare me a bit more for Connor's arrival. I'm just so sick of sitting here all day, alone, doing nothing productive. It's not like I can decorate a nursery or anything. I have to wait until my room's finished. And there's no point in cleaning because we're still remodeling. Too cold or wet to go outside and I'm in so much pain that it wouldn't be any fun anyway. Everyone I know is working and/or at school. All the gyms are too far away. So I spend my days reading a book or online researching all things baby related. Lauren's supposed to be bringing me a yoga tape or something so maybe that'll keep me occupied for awhile.

My nesting instinct has kicked in. And it's extremely frustrating because my room needs to be finished. Michael just finished painting the walls, so the ceiling and the window seat thing is left to paint. And then we have to rip out all the carpet and put in the wood floor type thing. Once that's done, I'm going to be setting up my air bed, the baby's crib, the baby organizer and all my shelves and TV stand and shit. And all this has to be done by March 16th. Along with the living room being put back in place for the baby shower. I just want to get it all done! And I want all my baby shit. I feel so unprepared, even though I have a few months.

OK, so I've said many times that I love my cat. And I do. But she can be the most annoying little shit creature ever! She meows all the time, no matter what. She gets into everything. She EATS cardboard...and books. I was trying to read my book the other day and she comes up and starts rubbing on the side like any normal cat. Cute, hardly offensive if not mildly irritating. But THEN, she decides she's going to try to EAT my book! I was not happy. And she still likes to sleep on my face at night. I've taken to putting her outside when I go to bed. She always tries to eat my food and in fact, if I'm not quick enough, she WILL eat my food. I'll be sitting there, enjoying a movie or something with a bowl in my lap and then suddenly, it's a furry cat head in my food! But she's cute and she loves on me a lot. And she plays with my big ass dog, Snickers.


It's been an active day for Connor. This morning he was moving and rolling all over the place. At one point it felt like he was pushing his butt against the left side of my belly button and then kicking my hand when I pushed gently back. It was cute. It's amazing to go week to week feeling his kicks gets stronger. I remember the first time I felt him kick. It was just a little twinge and now we're up to full on rolls and punches. I'm so excited. I hate having to wait so long.

I got Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy. It was hilarious. Way too short, but so funny. I want to get Baby Laughs as well and maybe he book Louder Than Words.

Mmm, my couch, a bowl of ice cream, and something to entertain me are calling. Night!

 

I hate looking for jobs while being pregnant. I talked to my old manager at Red Lobster and he pretty much said he wouldn't rehire me because I'm pregnant, which is illegal! If I had the time and energy and all that, I'd go after him legally, but I just don't. So I put an online application in at Hastings. We'll see how that goes. I was hoping to try a few of the baby stores at the mall, but they don't hire at 17. I'm so sick of this. How do they expect pregnant women to raise their babies without a fucking job?! I really don't want to have to give up bonding time with my newborn son to go looking for a fucking job! Mom says if I don't get a job while pregnant, it's not a big deal. But that's not it. I hate not working. I hate not having money. And I really hate sitting on my ass all day. I wish there was an online job I could do.

Connor's been kicking more lately, which is really reassuring. I get all paranoid when he doesn't kick for hours at a time. I know he has to sleep, but I'm still paranoid.

The other day we discovered that Hunter, my cat, is actually a girl. Last night she did the same thing she always does. She kept trying to lay in my face and I kept pushing her away. Thankfully though, she didn't attack my feet again. She did attack my hands when I went to push her away. I felt bad because I kept pushing her off the bed, but it was rather irritating. Even after she left me alone, I was awake for about an hour. And then I kept having to pee. And then I needed a drink of water. I'm looking forward to after I have Connor and I only have to get up to feed/change/love on him. None of this getting up just to pee stuff.

I've been sleeping a bit later in the mornings, which is rather nice. Getting up at 6am was not cool. I got up at 10 this morning and it was nice because the house was a little warmer than it was at 6. I think Connor's going through a growth spurt because I've been sleeping more and eating like crazy. And when I'm not eating, I'm hungry.

Last night, while I was laying on the couch watching CSI reruns, Connor started kicking quite a bit, enough that I could see my belly move. It was exciting. I talked to him a little. I haven't smiled like that since Andrew. It's amazing to love someone so unconditionally and to be so excited just because they move around. As much as I bitch about being pregnant, I do enjoy it. But I'll be even more excited when I finally get to hold him.

I had an awful dream last night that I went back to Concord. I was sitting outside the restaurant that Connor's birth-father works at and I got into a fight with a bunch of girls. One of them choke slammed me and I turned around on her and said, "Bitch, if you hurt my baby, I swear to God I will kill you." And then the girls like "disappeared" and I was sitting there with a couple of friends when I saw the birth-father walk up. I was trying to duck so he couldn't see me, but he turned around and saw me. His eyes got all wide, but one of the girls he was with dragged him inside before he could say anything to me. And then I woke up. It was strange. And really scary. I don't want anyone hurting my baby and I don't want to see the father and I most definitely do not want him to know anything about Connor.

So, I decided to post a picture of my absolutely lovable cat that likes to irritate the shit out of me on a regular basis. :)